Loving Me Today

Hello friends!
It has been forever since I blogged, and quite honestly, its been forever since I put a healthy lifestyle first. But I am not writing again to bash myself, or to apologize to me or anyone else, I am not going to do that. The fact is that I am human, and I am forever growing and changing, I am always a work in progress.
If its not my battle with my weight, its my self esteem, or my work, or the way I present myself to the world... I am always going to be working on myself. Am I sad that I have let my health be put on the back burner? I guess you could say that, yes. But I am also still very proud of myself.
The person that I became when I lost all that weight was so much more than anything I could have hoped. I was more confident, I was more powerful and I learned to love and value myself the same way I did everyone else. I have been stronger in relationships, both with friends and lovers, and know now that what I feel isn't anything to dismiss. I have a voice, and I know I am worthy to use it.
The journey has always been about so much more than weight. I know now that I love myself at any size. I am capable and confident that I won't lessen myself for anyone or anything. I am deserving of all the love I give. If there is anything I have learned since I started this trek, that I wish I could share with every single person who emailed me or asked me "how I did it" or told me I "inspired them" it is that I love myself no matter what, and you deserve that too.
This love isn't based on a number on a scale, or a size pant, or a lover its based on me. I am happy being me. I have so much to offer this world that has nothing to do with how much I weigh, and I intend to continue to do so no matter what.
I. Am. Worth. It.
Its my birthday tomorrow. I guess thats what brings this up. I'm approaching my last year in my twenties, and I don't feel as healthy as I wish I did. I am not where I want to be, but I still love myself. Its the best gift I could get.
This last year was a hard one... I got into a pretty gnarly accident, that shook my foundation quite a bit, I lost family, I lost the kind of friendships I wish I still had with some, and I battled with depression. But I made it, and I had the best year of work in my career as a makeup artist! I have my own show, for fucks sake! It's amazing!
There is so much to be proud of, But I need to refocus. Its time to finish what I started, and get back to living a lifestyle that makes me feel good. I know I can do it... and I also know how hard it will be. I want to turn 30, 365 days from now, and strut my stuff in a fabulous dress... or possibly in a gorgeous bathing suit in Mexico (Candi and I love this birthday idea).
I want to turn 30 and be the woman I have always known I could be... confident, happy, healthy and financially independent and secure. 
So after my birthday I am going to start a new program. What program?? I have no idea, haha! I have been doing this so long, and I know the gist of healthy living, but it would be great to be a part of a group again...To do it with friends or family, but I don't know yet. I'll tell you when I do. ;)
For now, I am going to focus on me and the things I know I need to change to begin a new healthy lifestyle. Slow and steady wins the race, and I am in no hurry. Thirty years old is the goal, but if I am writing this time next year and I still love myself as much as I do today, then I am doing something right.
Love, Love and more LOVE!!!!
XOXO