Carb Lady

When I think about the title of this post I picture myself, walking down a crowded city street, carrying nothing but bread and french fries... Mmmmmm french fries.

Seriously, french fries are so fucking good it should be a crime. One of my favorite things in the world to eat is some steak fries dipped in ranch dressing. Holy shit... it's like a party in my mouth... a taste bud EXPLOSION of epic proportions. Sorry, I get carried away --- on a cloud of french fries and potato magic. YUM.

The point of this wasn't to make myself hungry though, damn it! It wasn't to make you hungry either... in fact the point of this blog is to discuss some dietary changes I am making.

When I first started losing weight I cut carbs. I cut them out of my dinners - always - and frequently out of my lunches. However I could get away with eating a sandwich in the afternoon because I was working out so excessively and my body was not used to it.

Well now my body is used to everything. I do feel myself getting stronger, my legs look fantastic and my arms are getting better and better but I am still not losing weight. I know it is because I am not strict enough on my diet.

It does suck... to not be able to eat like a lot of my skinnier friends eat. It is hard to watch everyone else drink beer, eat fries and a burger or cookies and then work out 2 to 3 times a week and maintain a fabulous physique. But, if I live my life pissed off that others have a better metabolism or better body than I will NEVER be happy or successful. So beyond it being hard, it just is what it is!

So in order to get where I want to be I do have to start restricting certain delicious and completely unnecessary foods from my diet. In the end it's not that hard for me to abstain from carbs. I like bread... and as mentioned before I LOVE french fries... but the real problem comes from the sugar and sweets. When I eat carbs it is usually just because I want to feel FULL. Feeling full, when you think about it, is not a desirable feeling, but I was raised in a house where you eat until you can't eat anymore. Not that we had to clear our plates or anything, but it was customary to eat until you had to be carted out of the room. Why anyone wants to feel like that is beyond me... but that is the level of full that I was always familiar with. Eat till you puke. And in my case that was part of the punishment of food for me. I wasn't good enough, so I ate to make myself feel as bad as I deserved to feel. I ate to punish and I ate to fill up whatever hole I was feeling was in my life. So carbs are there to help me feel full, and every now and then (French fries) are there to satisfy a craving.

But it is time to quit that shit... like Brokeback! It is time to get back to eating GOOD carbs and more fruits, vegetables and lean meats and less crackers, chips and bread.

So for the next few months I am only allowed to eat my carbs in the morning. I can have my toast, or cereal or whole grain toaster waffle and for the rest of the day I am cut off.

In preparation for this change I went to the grocery store last night, and with the help of Marisa I got items to make a delicious salad to nosh on throughout the day---

Garbonzo Beans

Chopped Celery

Chopped Onion

Chopped Bell Pepper (Green)

Olives

Paul Newman's Light Balsamic Vinaigrette

I let it marinate overnight and now I have something delicious, tasty, and healthy to snack on!

If anyone else has some healthy snack options or recipes, please feel free to share and let me know!

Here's to a new regime!!

Oh, and I should mention... I am very proud to say that it has been over a week since I have allowed myself any candy from the kitchen at work!! I may not have been great this weekend, but I made myself a promise of no candy and I have followed through with that... Gum helps.

Now to make myself proud and eat well and get my hot butt to Zumba Toning!!!

Love, Love & MORE LOVE!!!!!

Something to be proud of...

Yesterday I was having a shitty day. Well, that's not true, the day itself wasn't "shitty"... I was just feeling "shitty". I get into these odd spurts of backward thinking. It is so easy for me to revert to feeling like the "Undesireable # 1" (50 points to whoever is as nerdy as me for getting that reference)

When I was really heavy I used to pretend to be confident. Now, I am confident... but that confidence is new and easily tested. It only takes one look or one comment to get me to feel like the sad fat girl that no one wants. I go to a very sad mental place where I am undesirable, undeserving and not wanted.

Yesterday it wasn't anyones fault but my own. No one did anything mean, said anything mean, but I am just going through certain bouts of loneliness that do not do anything to help temper these feelings. It sucks. It sucks because I am so aware of why I am feeling this way, and how silly it really is.

I am a beautiful woman. I have a good head on my shoulders, I am passionate and caring. I am a wonderful friend and I know who I am. There is no reason for me to feel the way I was feeling. I am a desirable woman. I may not be desired by everyone, I am far from perfect... but that is OK. I am satisfied with not being perfect for everyone else but a strong woman for MYSELF.

I am proud of myself.

Which brings me to the point of this blog...

I didn't come to this place of empowerment from sitting on my ass and eating chocolate like I would have 2 years ago. Instead I got some FANTASTIC advice from my dear friend KO.

I went into her office to vent, as per my usual, and she always knows just what to say to make me feel better. She knows how to really make me think and see myself from an outside perspective. I LOVE talking to her. Well, when I expressed how I was feeling (lacking any eloquence or sense) she told me not only what I needed to hear, but what I have never heard expressed so perfectly. She said, "Leya, don't go home and be depressed. Don't marinate in this when you know it's not true. Go home and do something you can be proud of."

Something I can be proud of...

I don't think it has ever been said so perfectly. I am not going home to make myself feel better... even that allows some of the negative to impact me. Instead, I went home and did something I could be proud of. I walked home, got my dog and ran back to work to get my car. Then I walked more. I didn't sit for longer than it took to eat my dinner. I walked until it was time to leave for my Zumba class, and when I got there I felt good. I was happy and laughing and shaking it like nobody's business! Then I went home, took a bath, talked with my best friend and fell asleep happy.

I was PROUD of myself yesterday. Not only did I not dwell on what I feel I am lacking when I could have, but I went above and beyond any expectations I had for my night. I shook out those bad and obnoxious thoughts that were plaguing me. And today... I feel GREAT.

Plus, I realized I can also be proud of the fact that I had ZERO sweets! I am trying to go this week without any sweets, and I was able to sit back and give myself a mental *high five* for working my ass off and not indulging when I was at my most vulnerable.

I can sit here today, knowing who I am, knowing my worth and feel proud of what I have accomplished, both yesterday and in the last year.

Moral of the story...

Do something you can be proud of every day.

Love, love & MORE LOVE!!!

Inching forward...

With these new training sessions each month I also have a monthly fitness assessment. This is the time where they do all of my body measurements and body fat analyses.

Well, yesterday I hobbled (because my legs feel like they were put on a renaissance era torture contraption) into the gym for my assessment.

To my dismay, he took my measurements in full view of everyone in the lobby... this gym is smaller and older than others... and in front of a manager fighting with the girl at the front desk. I wanted to turn around and tell them both to be professional and shut the fuck up, but since I have got 10 free training sessions, I decided it would be better to keep my mouth shut and just think about what assholes they were.

I am not the biggest fan of getting measured. And in this instance, in this hostile environment I felt pretty damn insecure. But, I went ahead and did it because it is important in determining success.

The number on the scale might not move every week, but the inches will. The scale, after all, is only one tool in the battle of the bulge.

So the, very HOT, gentleman wrapped me with the tape.He took my neck, Shoulders, waist, thighs, arms & hip measurements. And when he was done, he added them all up (gross). Well, the numbers are not what I want them to be, obviously (I wouldn't be paying for personal training if they were!)... but I am GLAD that I did them, because this morning I called my old Lindora clinic. Lindora is where I learned good eating habits, the clinic where I got my daily shots of B12 and also weighed in every morning! I asked them for my last set of measurements. Now, I knew they wouldn't be exact, because the trainer yesterday measured my waist from a different point than they did at Lindora. BUT... I am pleased to report that I have lost somewhere over 40 inches from my body! This is a rough estimate, because they didn't have my arm measurements and these older numbers were not from the very beginning of my journey-- in fact, it was just after I shot "Sweatin' to the Oldies 5"--- so I don't have exact numbers. BUT... based on what I do have, that is the nice ROUND number I am looking at!

It's pretty freakin' cool! 40 INCHES!!!

That is something to be proud of...

I have dropped 5 (sometimes 6) dress sizes and somewhere around 40 inches from my frame!

It's pretty bad ass, when you think about it.

Now it is time to drop some more inches. I am focusing with my trainer on my waist and my arms - remember one of my goals for summer is to wear tank tops with nothing covering my arms - and with these workoutsI am positive I will see some great results!

If you haven't taken your measurements, TAKE THEM! It is so important in showing your progress. Do not rely only on the scale, because that shit will fuck with your head!! Trust... I have almost thrown it out my window onNUMEROUS occasions.

August 1, 2011 will be 2 years since I started this journey (technically the end of July, but I don't know the exact day so I go with August 1st).

I plan to see some AMAZING results by then. Let's get this show on the road!!!

Love, LOVE & MORE L-O-V-E!!!

Son of an OUCH pain!

Everyone who knows me knows that when I feel some type of pain I express it. I am, what some would call, DRAMATIC!!! I mean come on... I am an actress AND a Jewish woman! Would anyone expect any less? No. I didn't think so.

I signed up with a trainer at LA Fitness. I went in for my free training session all set to say "No Thanks" to them when they offered me the training. But then the somewhat slow meathead and the BEYOND hot fitness guru offered me a deal. So I caved. I was totally worked over. I was pretty easy really. I am looking for something else to push me to finish what I have started. The workouts I have been doing have been great, but once you lose 100lbs things start to change. My body has gotten used to it and isn't responding as well as it could. So I have to shake it all up... and shake it all off.

I went into my first full training session on Saturday, hungover and already sore from my short tutorial with the infamous Doyle (he is infamous because he also hurt Allie on her first session)

So I knew I was in for a treat.

I walked in and met Jonathan. He was sitting down and at first I thought he looked like a little boy. Then he stood up. He is tall. He is tall and lean and all muscle. But it is great because he doesn't look like a meathead. Just super fit and super nice. I knew right away I would feel much more comfortable being myself with him, as opposed to the other guy who I tried to crack jokes to make him laugh. When working out with someone, I don't want to feel like I have to win them over. I would rather feel like it is okay to not be a superstar already, like I can curse and cry and shake and still complete my workout with a smile on my face. I am doing this for me and no one else, after all. So he was awesome! He did a lot of the workout with me, and the rest of the time made sure I had the right form. AND he is teaching me how to BOX!!!!!!! You all know how long I have been wanting to add boxing to my routine... well here it is! I am STOKED.

Both Jonathan and I knew I was going to be super sore after this workout. It was, after all, the hardest workout I have had in a LONG time. It was completely different from anything I have been doing in the last 2 years. And it was great. But... my body HURTS. OMG.

Everyone keeps saying "Yea, the GOOD hurt"... well I fucking HATE this phrase! "Hurt" is never good! It just fucking HURTS! The results are good-- no, no, they are GREAT-- but the hurt just fucking sucks. Every time I get up from my chair I make a grunting noise. Walking up the stairs today... HILARIOUS. Picking up my legs is an actual chore, I even have to use my arms to lift my legs to cross them while sitting in my chair.

To make up for the hurt I am feeling I decided to dress up a bit today. I do that a lot. If I am feeling like shit, I try and look good. I feel like it increases my mood and it puts up a front to people around me. It works. Seriously... next time you are feeling shitty- look cute. It might take you out of your slump.

So here I sit in my cute dress and leggings, with my "fuck me" blue pumps on and I am grunting every time I move. I love it. I do, really. I love that I feel like I am doing something again.

However, my eating didn't match my workout drive this weekend. When I got home all I wanted was FOOD. Between the hangover, the workout & being a girl I consumed way too many calories and moved very little (I couldn't, okay)

It'll only get easier though. And tonight I am going to push myself and go box a little and try to do some Zumba. I bought a package that I need to start using before then end of three months. Gotta get those classes in!!

So here I sit... albeit a little lopsided and sore... with a new workout routine and a drive to kick some serious ASS by the end of this month. I am ready to show that workout who is boss!

Wish me luck!!!

Love, LOVE & MORE LoVe!!!!