Re-Grouping

Hello Friends!!

It has been a few weeks since I posted anything- so I thought I would give you a short and sweet update.

I have hit, a bit, of a plateau in my weight loss- stopping at 40-41LBS. This is something easily fixed, because truth of the matter is I haven't been as diligent with my exercise as I had been. I got to kick it up a notch again. So no excuses... and I am not upset about it, I just need to re-group and start moving more. We'll call this last month a nice and easy transition into "real world" movement. :)

Beyond the weight- I have, officially, been accepted onto the Birthright Israel trip this December!! I am so excited I cannot even begin to describe it. Two months from now I will be in the Holy Land- the birth place of mine, and many others, religious beliefs. See---- STOKED!!

Sherry and I did the AIDS walk last weekend. We had a good group of friends walking with us. It was humid, and we were tired, but it was AMAZING to be a part of 30,000 people all walking together for the same reason. It reminded me how strong we are as individuals and how strong we can be when we work together for a good cause. It really was a pleasure.

Halloween is coming up... and I have no idea what I am going to be. Maybe I'll be Jewish... or brunette... :) Whatever, I just need to think of something. The closer it gets to the big day the more and more  I am thinking it might have to be a WeHo event. Mainly because we haven't planned ahead enough- and I think WeHo is one of those Halloween events I need to try once, then subsequently, never do it again. Good news is this- Moses has a costume. He wore it once, got some great pics and I will probably never make him wear it again... my little frog prince ;)

It is official- Candi and I are joining the "Muddy Buddy" race the weekend of December 6th in Temecula! It is going to be flippin' rad! It's a 10k of switching between jogging and biking as a team, then you finish together by crawling through a vat of mud and getting showered with BEER!!!! Yes, BEER!!! It is more laid back then a lot of races out there- for instance they encourage costumes- Batman and Robin may be living up to our title... that's gonna be our team name. I'm thinking we are going to make a weekend event of it and camp-out Saturday night for some fun times!! If you are interested in joining us look it up online and come on down- should be AWESOME!!!

So the plan for the next few months is to drop another 20lbs... and I know I can do it!! If not, I will not be happy- I will be happy as long as my number keeps falling. But, I will be very pleased to announce on my 25th birthday that I have lost 60lbs!!

Alright, back to work. I love, love, love you all! Thanks for being a part of my life!!!

Changed for Good

HELLO ALL!!!!

So a lot has happened in the last few weeks. 

I have, finally, finished the DVD. It was an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Marisa and Candi came out for a visit and we had an AMAZING weekend- just what the doctor ordered.

AND I am coming closer to find out if I am going to get on the trip I want for Birthright in December! 

Not to mention... as of this morning I have lost 39 pounds!! CHALLA!!!!!!!

So all is great in the land of Leya!

I have started a new routine, to save money and add more movement into my days.

I wake up early and take Moses for a long walk. Then come home during lunch and go for a long walk... then come home in the evening and go for a walk/jog at the park. 

I save money on daycare... make Moses happy... AND make myself happy by moving a lot!! It's a win win.

I went hiking for the first time in over a year!!! It was awesome, and it was also a huge reminder that I constantly need to change up my routine so my body doesn't become accustomed to anything- keep my metabolism on it's toes! I was in pain! It was bloody hard... and I have been dancing and working out non stop, so I was a little pissed, lol. But it was great- it was a perfect way to start the day with my roomie. Then we went and ate chinese food with my family... but I was good- I promise.

My back has been killing me... but I feel like I understand it a bit more and since I did the video I know I can do absolutely anything!

You know, it's funny- I set a goal of losing 50LBS before my trip/birthday and I think I might have to change it to 60. I am still losing and still eating right and working out and have a positive attitude... and this is the first time where I don't feel like I am dieting- this is a permanent change in my life, and I am aware and pleased with my decisions.

I have created a team for the Los Angeles AIDS walk- our name is "Axel Foley"... because Sherry and I couldn't think of anything else. She said it, I typed it... and it was done.

It should be a lot of fun and just another good cause that helps increase my health and HIV/AIDS awareness. If you would like to join us let me know and I will sign you up! It's on October 18th in West Hollywood- starts at 8:30AM. Do it... seriously. Besides- how many times in life will you be in a team named "Axel Foley"??

So that's about it... my life is great and I am very blessed for the last few months. 

Take care of yourself... see you at the finish line!!!

Love, Love, Love you all!!!!!

Movin' On Up!

Hi all!! So I my life has bee crazy and busy and tiring. These workouts are really kicking my ass and I have to admit- I am ready to film this bad boy. Let's go... come on!!!! I have been going to Slimmons, on average, 4X a week. And, while I LOVE it- I am bloody tired. I want some of my freedom back. Not to say I am going to stop going there, or working out all together- that will NOT happen- no, I just want to be at home after a 10 hour day in the office and walk and play with my dog and not be driving into Beverly Hills.

So... moral of the story- I am tired.

However, this brings me to the main point of this blog, and that is "counting my blessings" (something Richard says all the time). I have to remind myself how amazing my life is. It is far from perfect, but it is mine and it is great. I smile, I laugh, I love, I get angry, and sad, and hysterical and it is all wonderful. Thanks goodness I allow myself to feel these feelings.

This is something about me that I have come to appreciate more and more (and I see it now more than ever before). I have never allowed my weight to stop me from anything in this life. I might have been more hesitant with men, or not sat in the front row at a comedy show for fear of being picked on (true story)... but I have never let it stop me. I get out there- I see things, I meet people, I make friends and laughter and conversation! How truly blessed am I to be able to say this is true.

I bring this up because some people have said some things to me about being "too happy" before I lost weight (in context it makes some sense. No hurt feelings- it's hollywood). Well who wrote the book that said fat people are supposed to be socially awkward and sad?!?! I would like to know... and then I would like to prove them wrong by laughing at their skinny asses! For serious folks! 

The thing is, I really do think that you choose how you will feel. Some circumstances might not apply... but, really, if we let our environment rule our nature and determine our attitude and self worth than none of us would be happy! Everyone gets picked on... even the prettiest people. Everyone has insecurities... so being overweight should never stop anyone from doing anything. When we crawl in a hole and cry and stop what we want in this life, stop our dreams, than we are giving all of these meaningless people power. And who the fuck are they?!?

Choose to be happy. Choose to be confident.

I remember Kristen told me a long time ago, "If I didn't know you so well I would never know you were insecure. You seem so confident" and to that I said... " I fake it"! That's what I do folks... in this life we have to fake it until we make it!! It's so true... and eventually I start to believe some of the nice things I say about myself. Because talking bad about myself and self doubt is never going to get me anywhere in this life. It would be a never ending cycle of sadness. So... I have chosen to be happy- or at the very least, try!

I am getting off of my soapbox... I just want everyone to know what I think- OF COURSE. We choose our destiny. Don't let anything stop you, don't let anyone make that choice for you.

Lol... enough of that- you can tell it's been on my mind.

In other news- I have officially, as of this morning, lost 30lbs!!! I couldn't be more happy with my progress! The next number I can't wait to get to is 50--- what a feet that will be :):):)

I seem to be looking forward to more challenges ahead in this journey. I have decided to run a half marathon- not sure which one yet... but I am going to find a cause that is dear to my heart. I think by finding things that are fun and challenging I will keep up this weight loss and be in fighting shape (I want to take boxing lessons at some point).

So all is great... I am (still) happy and healthier and motivated- oh, and tired. :)

I love, love, love you all! 

Feeling Lighter

I am having a good week. Not only am I losing the weight- but I am feeling lighter. I am feeling lighter emotionally and physically. I have more energy, and it's funny but I am moving better. I never thought of myself as physically restricted in any way- now I realize that I was. Don't get me wrong- I knew I was out of shape... I felt it. But it is so much easier right now... and if it's easier now I cannot wait to see how much easier it is going to be in a few more months!

I am excited. But I have also started to get a little nervous. I know that when the DVD is done I am going to have to keep myself motivated and keep on moving. Getting to Slimmons during the week, for me, is really hard. Not only does the price add up- but I have to rush straight from work to get there on time. Luckily, I have one of the coolest bosses in the free world and when it is slow I get to leave a few minutes early- which helps.

I just have to make a promise here and now that when the DVD is done- I WILL NOT STOP.

Whether or not I make it to Slimmons 3X a week, I will start jogging more and (hopefully) hiking and swimming laps throughout the week! I have to, because if I stop I will wind up right back where I started which was not  in the best place. Gotta keep on keepin' on folks!

I feel too good right now to go back. I am feeling lighter and prettier and might even be standing a little taller- with special restrictions when my back muscles spasm ;)

I am just really happy.

In other news- I am so excited because some of my friends from the DVD and I are going to be doing a walk for Ovarian Cancer Research! I have never done one before, having always wanted to, because I was embarrassed about being so out of shape. Well times have changed and I am doing this whether I can run faster than others or not. I get to donate my time and energy to women suffering from this terrible illness- what better way is there to work out?! Of course, it will also be a big bonding experience for all of my Slimmons friends! If you are interested in walking with us let me know, or you can start your own team- just go to www.ovariancancercalifornia.com and click on the banner for the September 13 walk.

This month is full of goodness dude!!!! In a few days I will be registering for Birthright which I am praying I get into for the December trip~ cross your fingers for me.

Candi and Marisa are coming out at the end of the month for the Slimmons wrap party and I am sooooooo excited to see them. I already told Marisa- I might cry... lol.

Not to mention a nice three day weekend--- THank You LABOR DAY!!!

I would say that all this goodness means that I haven't been bogged down with stress and sadness but that would be a lie. However, I am choosing to count my blessings and be happy whenever I can. Not gonna let anyone get in my way- especially ME.

Alright, enough blogging for now. 

Thank you for taking the time to read and for all the support I have received. I love, love, love you!!!

Good times keep comin'!!

So it has been about 6 weeks since I have started my own personal weight loss journey and things are going great! I have lost 22 pounds so far and am definitely feeling the inches shedding from my frame. It feels really great to be back in the saddle, so to speak. 

I have started the training for the DVD's and it has been pretty physically demanding. I am at Slimmons Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, and when I am not there I have been pretty good at keeping my butt moving. 

I have made some great new friends in all of this. People from all different walks of life have become such an inspiration to me. 

It really couldn't have come at a better time in my life. I am finally taking care of me, putting myself first, and it feels amazing. There really couldn't have been a better time for this place to come into my life. The last year- months- have held some changes. Some big heartbreaks and pain. I have realized while I give my whole self to someone they may not always do the same in return. I have lost my escape in the mountains at Bravo, the place that has brought me back in touch with me for the last 8 years of my life. So it has been hard. But through it all I have made some great new friends, and rediscovered how lucky I am to have to ones I do.

With all of these things I have been able to confide in my roommate and best friend who is the best listener in the world. I have been cheered on by Candi, Kelly, and Marisa; And my grandmother is my biggest fan. She is so happy for me. She keeps telling me I am glowing, that she has never seen me so happy. For the most part she is right... however- I tend to lead towards the happy road of life whenever I can- but my confidence is booming because I am not worried about other people.

In the last few months I have stood up for myself, made new friends, and lost some of the weight I have used as a crutch for far too long. So eezzz good folks. Of course, if I said that I haven't cried a lot of water weight away I would be a liar. But when the eyes are dry and all is said and done I know who I am and what I deserve and I am no longer afraid to demand it. That's right peeps- I used the 'D' word! I think we should all have things in life we require- weather big or small- from a friend or a lover. You know why? We all deserve it. I deserve it. I am worth it.

So thank you to all my friends who have been there for me through all of this, throughout all my life. I love you more than you will ever know- even though I always tell you. 

I am so excited!

So... you might be able to guess that I am feeling a lot like Jessie Spano right now (without the caffeine pills and amazing trip)! I have been on Lindora now for 2 and a half weeks and have lost about 12 pounds (I find out the actually number tomorrow- last Monday it was 10) and I am sooo excited about it.

Actually, that isn't the total truth. I don't think I am excited enough about the number going down yet because I have been here before. I also have the added thoughts that I lose more weight in the fist month than I will in the following. However, I am feeling good and very, very proud of myself.

The greatest thing has happened since I decided to restart my program. Makes for a good story- goes a little like this...

I was looking at my friend Bob's website (HI BOB!) all about his new weight loss journey. Well, he attended a Richard Simmons class! Now how friggin' rad is that?! I was so excited so I asked him about the classes, I didn't even know he taught here, and he gave me the info and onto richardsimmons.com I went. 

I told Sherry right away that she didn't know it but we were going to the Richard Simmons class that Saturday. Being that Sherry is one of the coolest, most supportive, people I know she was totally game! 

Anyways, we went Saturday morning and the butterflies were a-twitterin'. Before going we had heard that the auditions for the next "Sweatin' to the Oldies" would be taking place after the class. However, neither of us really had any intentions of working out and then staying for an audition! We get to the class before the workout- Its a type of support group, led by Richard, on Saturday mornings. I noticed Richard looking at me, and I could tell her was trying to remember is he had seen me before. So Sherry and I are sitting there, next to Richard and he asks us who we are( He is the sweetest, cheekiest guy ever). He looks at me and says "Well now, don't you look like one of us?!" and then proceeds to ask me if I was going to audition for the video. I made some awkward noise indicating I had no idea... I was really nervous about working out for the first time in forever- let alone auditioning for a video afterwards... and he just gave me a funny "Imma get you to stay" look.

The class was so motivating; there are men and women that have lost so much weight and have kept it off. One of the gents has lost over 250 pounds! It really is so amazing to be around people who have found a way to overcome this demon. We finished up the class and got right in place for the workout. The class was super crowded, but luckily one of my new friends, Tobie, told me to get a spot next to the fan on the left. We got a spot and started sweating. It was awesome... and really hard. But its so fun to think "I'm working out with Richard Simmons right now" and he is so motivating that I just kept going... not to say I didn't think about dyeing ever now and then. The moves aren't all that hard, but doing them non-stop and going right into them when I am not familiar with the choreography was definitely a challenge. I found myself laughing out loud more than ever before in a workout... like when Richard drops his pants and screams. It is quite entertaining. For those wondering- yes he does have then energy in person that you see on TV... it is AMAZEBALLS.

We finished up the workout- after weights and sit ups AND push ups- with Richard giving a motivating talk. Got a little teary eyed, and I am not ashamed to admit it! :)

Sherry and I might have felt a little tired... you know- like death. So we decided we were going to take our pictures with Richard (yes, he stays after every class to take pictures with everyone) and bounce our tired asses home to eat some food.

Well, when we were taking our pictures Richard looks at Bob and says, "Oh, you know your friend here is staying for the audition". Well... Sherry and I decided that there would be no other time in the world to audition for a Richard Simmons video by personal request of the man himself. So we stayed. O-M-G was I tired!! ---- no question about it... by the time we got into the room to audition I was exhausted! The routine we learned was simple but challenging because we had to do it over, and over, and over again. By the final time I wanted to shoot myself... and Richard pointed me out for not being tight enough on the moves. Needless to say, it was great fun but I wanted to go home and crash.

I never thought anything would come of it. Anything besides my coming back to work out at Slimmons again. However, I was surprised to find out I was wrong and I had gotten "the call" that has helped make me a very happy person. I was chosen to be in "Sweatin' the the Oldies 5".

It still seems very strange to me, I really thought I had no chance of making it in the video... and I really just did it for fun. But it couldn't have come at a better time in my life. It's God giving me another motivational tool! 

I went back to class the night I heard and Richard was so sweet to me, "Are you sooo excited?!" Hell yes I was... but I was still a little dumbfounded. I really didn't know what to think of it other than how fun and crazy it was.

Now... I can really say I am so thankful for this opportunity. It is such a blessing. I am loving the classes and I am loving being around someone who has devoted his life to just helping people.

This may be a little premature- but he told me he has also chosen me to be in his infomercial. Again, super flattering and exciting! I get even more support on this journey and another tool to help me in life. I am so excited I could explode! But I won't, because that would hurt.

I have to find out more about the infomercial... I keep thinking "things could change. He could change his mind" but the fact that he sees something in me makes me feel more amazing then I have felt in a long time.

So thats the story... sweatin' it out with Richard and having a great time doing so.

I really appreciate all the support I have been getting. I feel like this is the time to change my life. 

Here we go!!

Love, love, love you LOTS!

A New Day?

Soooo... let's just talk about me! Yea, because I love for nothing more than to divulge personal information to people I may, or may not, know.

Truth is this... I don't talk about my weight in person. Few people in my life get to hear about how I really feel. In fact, NO ONE in my life knows how I really feel. I think the people I am closest to can venture a guess... They would say that I am "unhappy" and "insecure"- and they wouldn't be wrong. But they don't know the inner workings of my obsessive, terrible, and taunting mind. 

I HATE my body. I HATE being in photographs. I Hate that I have the most GORGEOUS girlfriends (I have good taste) and constantly feel like the third and much more unattractive wheel when we go out.

Let's get some things straight though- I am not always unhappy. In fact, quite the opposite, as I consider myself a very upbeat, warm, and charismatic person... thats how I roll. I am funny, and smart, and charming and I know how to get the attention in a room. A wallflower I am not. 

More recently I have tried to embrace how heavy I am. Not because I actually feel sexy and confident. But because I have to------------

I am an actress. A starving (Ha-mothafuckin-ha) artist who wants nothing more to be a HUGE (all jokes aside) part of this industry. And I have realized, that at the size I am there is a place for me here. It may not be ideal, I won't be auditioning as much as everyone else but there is a place for me. So, I have accepted it and used it to my advantage. I mean... I am me- this is ME at this specific point in time. I am very proud that I have built up the confidence to embrace this fact.

Anyways, I digress (sort of... after all everything I say is REAL important) the point is I, kind of, want to stop- oh I don't know- punishing myself... and start taking care of myself.

I like life. I like living... it's pretty rad, and Nothing scares me more than ending up as unhealthy as my parents.

DISCLAIMER:

 I hate saying that. Even typing it is hard- because I could only hope to be even a shell of the people that they are. They are the best people I know, and I love them. But they are very unhealthy, and they are at an age where it is harder and harder for them to do anything about it. They could, but they won't. I would love for them to prove me wrong- so Mommy, if you are reading this then prove me wrong!

DISCLAIMER OUT!

I just don't want to end up overweight with high bp high cholesterol and asthma when I am 50. Being 24 is hard enough with high BP and arthritis in my back. This weight is not making anything any better.

You might, at this point, be asking, "Geez, then do something about it" Oh silly grasshopper I have. I have tried. I have been very successful... but when I fail it is written all over my body. For everyone to see. When I gain weight back EVERYONE sees it. The compliments stop coming and friends give you more of a once over, and by the way- I see when you look me up and down and change the subject- and no it doesn't make me hate you... it makes me hate me.

This is why it's been such a struggle to try again. This is why I have tried to just deal with how I am now... it hasn't worked. And, I am getting older and I should do it while I still have an athletic bone in my body. 

I have to start differently though. I need to start with the attitude of being healthy because I don't want a heart attack and maybe the added thrill of having more leg room on a plane. Because this whole, I wanna be in a swimsuit and be GORGEOUS thing doesn't withstand the test of time with me. Maybe its because I know I am, somewhat, attractive. I have a grandmother who constantly reminds me "What a beautiful FACE" I have... and I know I am not a total nast-nast (as Kelly would say). So I'm thinking that the fact that I still get attention, the fact that I am still pretty, is actually a draw! HA! Who woulda thought... "Oh this face, to be cursed with this beauty!"

I am also... a food addict- DU DU DUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! This is not an excuse. This is not a joke... I am totally addicted to sweets and sugar. I have used them to make me feel better for the last 24 years. And those of my friends who can identify with this, you know--- it BLOWS! Because food is EVERYWHERE... and you need it to survive and it's just FUN! Who doesn't like eating? It's totally delightful! Plus, going out in LA is a total pastime and was definitely how is went in my pad growing up! 

So there it is: My name is Leya Oakley and I am a food addict.

Some people don't think there is such a thing, that its sheer laziness that keeps me this way. I have one thing left to say to those people... and I wrote it in a song:

Go Fuck Yourself, 

Ya, ya, ya,

Go Fuck Yourself.

Thank you, thank you very much. 

Bottom line is this: You don't know what its like being me, just like I don't know what its like being you. This is so much more mental then it is physical for 95% of the people struggling with weight. It is self mutilation at its finest! Usually people who don't think that are worth a damn because others made sure to tell them that.

We live in a society where appearance matters. There is nothing more popular, or NOW, than being thin. Try walking in Beverly Hills being overweight and tell me then if its a choice... or a lifestyle that needs to be wrung in and changed.

Its not going to be easy. Honestly, I don't even want to publish this fucking thing...

But here is the thing, I give other people advice all the time (It's real smart-like too) and its time I start taking some of my own... IF I am not happy with where I am at right now, I need to change it.

There it is, loud and clear. It's time to take care of me and stop worrying about other people (I know, I know... you're thinking- gosh she IS like ghandi). It's time for me to stop saying "Next week..." or "I'm not ready" because If not NOW... WHEN?

Love love and more love!

Wish me luck!