Thats the only proper way to start my blog for today. I am fucking tired.
As soon as I dropped that sinus infection like a bad habit, I started hitting the gym HARD, again.
It feels really good, and I feel really motivated. I also feel my body getting stronger. The number on the scale is still a pain in the ass (I am happy to report it is starting to go down again) but more than anything else, I am noticing how everything is starting to get easier, bit by bit.
My workouts with my trainer are physically and mentally exhausting. I almost started crying during my last session. For reals. I was so frustrated with my body and felt insecure, being as tired and sore as I was from everything. I hate when I feel like I can't do something.
BUT, even though I slowed down towards the end, even though it hurt like hell and I almost started sobbing like a baby... I FINISHED the workout.
It took me a while to realize how awesome that was. Initially, I called Marisa and told her what he had me do. She, of course, was super pumped and said to me, "Yea, but you DID it! Don't you feel good!" That was when I realized... I might have wanted to stop and cry and crawl into a hole and die... but I DIDN'T! I finished that workout and I need to be proud of that. I am now!
That was Saturday.
My last week of exersize has gone something like this:
Thursday- Workout with Trainer
Friday- Off day
Saturday- Workout with trainer (near death experience)
Sunday- hiking
Monday- Zumba
Tuesday- 2.5 mile run/interval, 10 minutes stair climb, planks and sit ups
Wednesday- Zumba
TONIGHT- Workout with my trainer (I am doomed)
Let's not forget that I am still walking as much as I can throughout all of this.
It is pathetic because I am so looking forward to tomorrow when I can have the night off, because on Saturday it's another training session.
I think that if I am able to sleep thru the night more consistently than I will not be as tired in the coming weeks. But I refuse to stop. Part of the problem with taking nights off is that I will stay home and MUNCH. I have to keep myself busy. It's kind of like trying to trade one addiction for another.
Speaking of addiction...
It has been over a month since I have had any candy or cookies at work!!! I am a fucking rock star! And every time I think about having one, I remind myself of my streak and think "Why in the hell would I ruin my record NOW?" it's totally not worth it.
I also have been able to have a dark chocolate bar in my refrigerator and NOT devour it within seconds. I am trying my "Grandma" method and I have one bar when I get that sweet craving. I think she has more than one bar... but she is 91 so she can eat whatever the fuck she wants!
It does the trick too... I have that little piece of sweet, delicious goodness and I am set. I think the true test will be in a week when I am suffering from the delights of being a lady. No chocolate is safe in front of me.
Alright, well lets hope I don't die after tonight! That is not the way I want to go... there are not nearly enough cute men to surround me in my gym to make an adequate death. Not to mention, it smells in there. No... I don't think I'll die tonight. Too much to look forward to anyways!
Let's kick some more ARSE!!!!!
Love, LOVE & more LoVe!!!!!
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